Where Have All The Titties Gone?

disclaimer – strong language ahead. if you are easily offended/small of mind, please read no further.

Where Have All The Titties Gone?
by Ben Liew

I like sluts. I like girls with big boobs (not the fat ones though, those are big by default) that aren’t afraid to bare it all. The ones that come and rub themselves all over you while doing some kind of erotic dance akin to those of mating fire crabs in the Bahamas.

And where have they all gone? Were they ever here in the first place? All I see at gigs these days are uptight sour face lesbos and their gay friends sipping the vile liquid that’s passed off as beer at Paul’s Place.

Then, once in a while you see a hot babe with her bastard boyfriend. Suddenly everyone at the gig goes, “Wah! Not bad ah? Now at gigs also got chicks.” But, if you look carefully at her face, it has “I rather be at a club at Jln P. Ramlee instead of listening to this racket my boyfriend considers music”, written all over it.

I don’t need this. If I wanted to be ignored by women, I would have gone to Zouk/Beach Club/Nouvo. At least the beer there doesn’t taste like piss. But then again, it cost RM 30-50 to enter and you get one miserable beer. At Paul’s, a gig costs RM 10-15 and a can of beer goes for about RM 5.

Hey, wasn’t I suppose to be taking about sluts. Okay, let’s start again.

I like sluts. Real sluts I mean. Real sluts are into rock and roll. Nowadays it seems they are into that “HipHop/Rap R’n’B 50pennies Snoopy Doggy Poop Everybody Wants To Be Black Until The Cops Come” music.

You see, rock music has always been related to groupies and slutty women. Reason being, rock music was written by men who were thinking with their crotches. REAL rock music, not the sissy arty post rock, is raw in it’s nature.

It makes you wanna dance. It makes you wanna scream. It makes you wanna stick it to “The Man“. It makes you wanna fulfill all your basic primal urges which is really just to having sex like a bunch of monkeys on a predator free island.

A few examples. Elvis.

Elvis could not have been crowned King of Rock N Roll if it weren’t for all the sluts that digged him (some of whom could have been your mama).

Hair Bands. Those metal dudes would have never made it big if it weren’t for the groupies with the equally large hairdos constantly given them blowjobs.

The Beatles. The fab four would have probably thrown in the towel if they didn’t get all that sex playing in German’s notorious strip clubs when they were just starting.

Some other bands, music scenes and movements that would have never made it if weren’t for the sluts are as follows (in random order): Led Zeppelin, the hippies, KISS, new wave, 90s alternative, G’N’R, disco, rap, early punk (though a lot of ugly women during this period), the Police, Simon and Garfunkel, Aerosmith, underground jazz, Cheap Trick, funk, Isaac Hayes, Van Halen, Coldplay, Oasis, the Rolling Stones, Cliff Richards, Buddy Holly, Blink 182, early Micheal Jackson (not the gay MJ now), Limp Bizkit, Johnny Cash, Jane’s Addiction, Hendrix, INXS, rave culture, college rock.

Okay, so maybe these aren’t good examples because they’re not recent. Then consider Aussie rock band Jet. They knew that the only way to revive a dying rock scene was to bring in more chicks to the shows. The guys would then automatically follow like lemmings.

It seems like instead of embracing sluts that come to gigs, we tend to shun them.

A common tactic used in some clubs overseas is to keep the air conditioning at a low temperature so the girls would dress more skimpy when gigs were thrown.

Women flashing their tits should be the one true measurement of how great a band really is. And you can quote me on that.

{wt} – ok ben, i will.

Women flashing their tits should be the one true measurement of how great a band really is.

Ben Liew – Frontman, Ben’s Bitches

The simple fact is that women have a lot of power even if they are unaware of it. No, I’m not just saying this to protect myself from being bombarded with criticism from you feminist/politically correct losers. That I can handle. I’m saying this because I believe that any healthy scene should more or less reflect some realness from society. And let’s face it. There are a lot of sluts our society.

Ben

Ben Liew works for a media company and is also the frontman for Ben’s Bitches, one of the better known (and better dressed) punk rock bands in the greater Klang Valley area. He is also the co-founder and CEO of Disarseter Records, Klang Valley’s fastest growing independent label. Ben has never been flashed by a woman, on or off stage. He has been giving the finger numerous times though, by both men and women.

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